Interactions with Friends and Family

So, you know you’re a therian. What now? Should you tell anyone? There are many different factors at play whenever you’re bringing up therianthropy to other people, especially those who are utterly unaware of the concept. Different therians are going to see things in different ways, but what I offer here is my own advice, interspersed with some anecdotes showing how I’ve handled it thus far.

Telling Friends

If you’re very, very close with someone, like a romantic partner or best friend, I see no reason why telling them would be a problem. In most cases, you’ll likely have to explain what therianthropy actually is, and might have to field some questions regarding popular misconceptions.

In the end, though, if someone really cares about you, your therioside won’t make a difference. They may need some assurance that you’re still the person you always were, but if they love/care for you, they won’t judge.

You don’t have to tell such folks, but it makes sense to share such an important part of yourself with them, if only in passing. If you have an urge to tell a loved one about your therioside, but worry that they’ll misunderstand, limit what you’re going to say.

Focus just on the general concept, and maybe relate it to more established belief systems. There’s absolutely no reason to blog at someone, loved one or not, about your therioside. Therianthropy, at base, a very personal and subjective thing.

If someone’s asking about it with genuine curiosity, tell them as much as is comfortable. If they’ve not shown an interest or asked, and especially if they’re just casual acquaintances, save waxing poetic about your therioside for a journal or other outlet, instead.

A Need to Know Basis

With anyone who’s not a close friend or another therian, I’d recommend only telling or talking about it if absolutely necessary. This might include situations where the person is likely to find out on their own, and would need help with contextualizing it.

Years and years ago, I worked in a small dress shop. I met some cool people there. One of them found out I had a LiveJournal and wanted to be friends with me on there. I was nervous about it because 90% of my LiveJournal at the time was friends-only, and about being otherkin.

Knowing that this friend was a bit alternative (Goth-y, pagan-ish) to begin with, I went ahead and added her on LiveJournal. In conversation (in-person) later that day, I gave a brief rundown of, “Oh, by the way, a lot of my LiveJournal stuff deals with my spiritual beliefs. I’m otherkin, which means… check out this article about it if you’re really curious, etc.”

If the girl hadn’t been insistent about being LiveJournal buddies, though? I probably never would’ve brought it up. I did, though. She didn’t seem perturbed by the concept, and it didn’t get much discussion afterwards between us, thankfully.

But this person might be therian, too!

I hear you. We’ve all met people out in the world who, for whatever reason, got our therian senses aflutter, and gave the distinct impression of therianthropy themselves. I still advise caution, though...

If you meet someone who “seems therian” and isn’t an extremely intimate friend, here’s my advice. I honestly don’t think it’s wise to bring it up at all - let them progress on their own journey. If you really, absolutely feel that you must bring it up with such a person, though, try this...

Take yourself out of the equation! By that, I mean letting the person know that therianthropy and our communities exist, but without explaining that you, yourself, are a therian.

You might say, “Hey, I was on Village Voice’s archives and I found this wild article from 2001 about these therian people!” or “One of my internet friends said they’re otherkin, mate. It’s this thing about nonhuman identities?” You don’t have to outright lie, but just leave out the part about you yourself being therian.

If, later on, the person bring up therianthropy again and mentions that it resonates with them, you might consider being more open. If not, no sweat - let it go!

Even if you subscribe to omnitherian theories (the idea that all humans are actually therian in some way), it is not some kind of external belief system someone can just adopt. It’s a personal, subjective experience and cannot be forced on someone.

I know a lot of younger therians get overly-excited at the prospect of knowing more therians offline or in other communities. Let me tell you, though - it’s a reallybad idea to try and convince someone they’re therian simply because you’re lonely.

You may crave therian companionship, and that’s just natural, but - seek it elsewhere. Don’t try to “build” someone into a therian - that flies in the face of everything that defines the concept.

A Word About “The Wardrobe”

In early therian and otherkin communities, many would joke (or seriously reference) “coming out” as therian. In particular, they’d talk about “coming out of the wardrobe.”

This is an obvious play on LGBTQ folks “coming out of the closet.” The word “wardrobe” was used because it called to mind C. S. Lewis’s Narnia stories and their cast of colorful animals and mythical beings.

It seemed a harmless enough phrasing, and I was genuinely alright with it for quite a while. Ultimately, a trans friend of mine (Luna) asked me personally to stop using the phrasing and avoid LGBTQ (and especially trans) comparisons. I began to see that the comparative language isn’t really warranted, and comes across as a trivialization of the LGBTQ experience.

If you “come out” as otherkin, people might make fun of you or bully you. But really, you won’t experience anything even close to what LGBTQ folks have had to deal with, often from their own families, authority figures, and even the government.

It’s not illegal to believe you’re an animal. Therianthropy is a comparatively safe thing to believe, compared to some religions and spiritual practices. Some younger, confused therians tend to imagine elaborate scenarios where we’re being tracked or hunted by the government, but such things are fantasy, not reality.

Your LGBTQ friends, however… sadly, we live in a world where bigotry has a lot of traction.

I try to pay attention to how the concept of therianthropy has been “used” in the broader political context. I get that words have consequences in today’s hyperconnected world. I don’t compare therianthropy to LGBTQ identities, firstly because of the promise I made, but also because I’ve observed that comparison as harmful.

This is my perspective, and you’re free to disagree, using whatever terminology you like. I just wanted to clarify my own thoughts on the subject. I’m not saying that this is my final thoughts on this subject, either - just my current views on it.